♥ My mom taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

♥ My mother taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

♥ My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL-
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

♥ My mother taught me LOGIC-
"Because I said so, that's why."

♥ My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

♥ My mother taught me IRONY -
"Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry out."

♥ My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

♥ My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

♥ My mother taught me about STAMINA -
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

♥ My mother taught me about WEATHER -
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

♥ My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

♥ My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!!!"

♥ My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

♥ My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
"Stop acting like your father!"

♥ My mother taught me about ENVY -
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!!